When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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