$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
