More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
