Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
