i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need water and some morals
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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