btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
