The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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