And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize