it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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