my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I cut my penus on the lid.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
