last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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