It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
