What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
