My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
