I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
