Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
