Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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