So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
