margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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