You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
