im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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