well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
