I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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