Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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