So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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