Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
