Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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