I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
