Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
