we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
