He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
