wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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