sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize