I think I just saw someone hide a body.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
