was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
