stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
