I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Two words: blizzard sex
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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