I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I enjoy the company of your penis
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
