I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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