Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
