he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
