gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
