Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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