I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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