FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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