Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
