i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
