I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
