We're facebook friends in real life
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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