Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
