You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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