I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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