As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
