So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
