this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
