if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
