you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
