There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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