I'm gonna have a badass scar
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize