we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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