This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm passing your future prison.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
