i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
im holly from the hills drunk
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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