Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
