Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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