Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
