I am full of burrito and curiosity
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
