I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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