so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
