Someone shit on the floor
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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