When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
