I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
