you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
