we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Hippo gnu deer
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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