my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
