I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize