I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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