Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
